Vikki Bentwood, 8 Dec 05
Dear Solly and Sam
I have started this so many times - each time with a new thought and a new smile. Forgotten memories re-surface every time I go out to enjoy myself - nights out with the girls, holidays in Amsterdam and Marbella, local nights at 'our' Tricycle Theatre, the list goes on.. But the funny thing is, my really warm thoughts of the times we shared were actually doing the more everyday things, in particular, the times we shared looking after you guys- and discussing how best to look after you. You see, I was fortunate enough to experience your early years in parallel with you mum.
It started with our conversation as we got on the plane for our joint trip to Spain for New Years 2001- 2002 where Rich boldly announced we were pregnant and asked Charl if she was too. Quietly, she answered 'yes', still trying to get her head round the idea. Our pregnancies with Solly and Hannah, went hand in hand with Solly beating Hannah into the world by just 10 days. I have clear memories of Solly's bris when Charl showed her determination and natural protective maternal instinct by being right up there at the front. I respected her for that - it was not something many mothers choose to do but typical Char. Then, we shared the challenge of being juggling mums working part time, I always thought her ability to juggle was far greater than mine. Fortunately, we were helped along by the amazing Magda who looked after Solly and Hannah. (Wow, were we pleased when we found her). We spent a lot of time during those early days walking around Queens Park chatting away usually about lack of sleep, new routines, and your toilet habits (always a favourite). Solly did you know you poohed at least 4 times to every one of Hannah's? Charl was a great sounding board and confidante and it was precious time we shared together. I gained strength and confidence through sharing these more tricky times of early motherhood, and I believe she did too. These moments continued - but as time went on we had less time to chat as we spent more time being in demand for painting, pushing swings and saving Hannah from Solly's boisterous moments. However, we would also stop on occasion and quietly admire our children. Charlotte was never a boastful mum but you could tell how proud she was of her boys. We never minded the interruptions but somehow life got busier and then before we knew it, we were pregnant again.
That was another vivid memory for me. I was about to go on a work trip and wanted to tell Charl before my work colleagues. Unbelievably and not at all expected by me she was also pregnant and expecting a week after me. Again we shared our pregnancy ups and downs, but this time we had much less time to focus on it. It was another thing to squeeze in between work, children and playing house. But Charl seemed more relaxed and allowed herself a little more time for herself including her weekly yoga sessions. One fond memory I have is when we had both finished work and very heavily pregnant we decided to go for lunch and spend the afternoon at the cinema as a very rare treat. We ended up chatting for so long over our toastie that by the time we got to the cinema nearly all the films had started. We stood at the ticket counter discussing the merits of the various films for some time - eventually, the attendant took pity on us and gave us free tickets. Feeling chuffed, we waddled up the stairs bought a huge tub of ice cream with the money we had saved and went to watch the afternoon film. That attendant will never know the part he played in making a very average film really great. You see, if either of you grow up to have a keen eye for a bargain or love a freebie then you definitely get that from your mum!
With the arrival of Sam once again I was full of admiration for my friend - Charl went for a water birth and had Sam pretty well how she wanted him - naturally and in the water. With Alex born 4 days earlier, we once again shared the sleepless nights and ongoing demands of you guys (not that we minded). We got even less time to talk about life other than kids but I don’t think it mattered as we had an unspoken bond and understanding. However, this time round it seems we spent the hours in the kitchen, preparing kids meals, tidying up, making a cup of tea, discussing the same topics as last time but somehow still not having the answers. We would always end a long circular conversation about Sam and Alex with ‘don’t be so hard on yourself, he is only x weeks old after all’ and ‘don’t worry next week it will be completely different’. Good advice, not that it stopped either of us worrying or trying to get it right. Just for the record, Sam you also poohed a lot more than Alex ever did.
I have 2 parallel final memories. The first was a long overdue dinner at ours the week before she died - Charl, Martin, Daz, Tash, Rich and me. I am pleased to say we cooked a top notch dinner that night and had a really lovely evening. Charl turned up proudly riding her new bicycle and sporting her blue helmet. Paradoxically, a few days later we went to Avenue House, this time it was Solly riding his bike all the way up the hill whilst Charl fed little Sam (with his big Berger smile). There is certainly an unbelievable energy in the Brass family that lives on and makes us Bentwoods tired just watching!
My memories will stay close with me, she was a very dear friend and great support, and I miss her deeply. I hope sharing some of them give just a little insight to you. She gave you a great start out in life and I can already see that she has passed on some of her star qualities to you guys.
My very final correspondence was a text on my way to New York, she was at the hospital and I sent her a text just to wish her luck. Of course, I got one back straight away: 'thanks for thinking of me, have a great trip'. Even at that most difficult time, in true Charl style she was still thinking of others before herself.
I feel I was honoured to share such precious time with you guys and your mum and not to forget your dad (who incidentally is also a pretty good guy and is doing a great job). I was and always will be full of respect and admiration for your mum, she was strong, energetic, caring and most of all was a great mum. She will always live on deep in our hearts and memories.
All my love
Vik