Sara Otvos, 26 July 05
Dear Solly and Sam
It’s difficult to know where to begin with the many memories I have
gained from the privilege of having known your mummy since we started
university, through working life, getting married (we married Martins
two weeks apart), and becoming mums.
I thought at her funeral that all of us standing there brought our own
memories of a very special person who had touched all our lives in
different ways, a patchwork of friendship and love - and it is
wonderful now to be able to share our memories with you two and each
other through this website.
I wish I could remember when I first met your mum but I can’t - with
your closest friends they have somehow always just been around, become
so much a part of your life that you don’t really stop to think about
these things. I guess though we met at some sort of Jewish student
gathering, through a shared need to speak up for what we believed in,
even though neither of us was religious.
When I think of Charlotte during the university years in Leeds, she is
always moving, talking loudly and smiling – dancing at nightclubs,
yacking on the phone at the bottom of the stairs in the house we lived
in with Debbie and Julia in our fourth year (my room was downstairs so
she made a good alarm clock!), and constantly tidying up and looking
after us. She was the organized one who sorted out the bills etc. and
worried so much on our behalf that I still teased her about the night
before my last exam when I was happily relaxing in the sun and she
appeared next to me looking worried and suggesting I really should be
inside doing some work!
She claimed to have forgotten but we all still remembered how dreadful
we felt the day we forgot it was about to be her 21st birthday. Even
her talking about what she had bought Sophie failed to prompt us and it
was only when she said goodbye, smiled and said “well next time I see
you I will be 21” did we finally realize that without her in charge we
had managed to forget to wish her a happy birthday! As that story
demonstrated, Charlotte was a very easy person to be mates with, she
never seemed to take offence or sit in judgement on others, taking life
as it came.
Quite a bit of the years in between then and more recently is a haze of
catch-up chats and gatherings before, during and after her and your dad
living in NY. So fast-forward to what are my most precious memories –
how happy you two made her, and your ability to achieve the unthinkable
– calming the worrier and giving her something amazing to channel her
incredible energy into.
She literally blossomed as your mummy, and despite her initial worries
about not being a maternal sort of person was quite simply one of the
best mummys I have seen. She combined a calm patience, great delight
and humour in the two of you that was truly wonderful to watch and now
when Emily and Harry are driving me crazy I try to take a deep breath
and think “how would Charlotte have dealt with this?”
We didn’t make many actual arrangements but still saw quite a bit of
each other - in the nicest possible way we tended to see each other
when we couldn’t be bothered to do much and I was always glad to get
that “you doing anything on Friday? No good let’s get together”
phonecall.
Our last Friday together, two weeks before she died, was a perfect
relaxed and happy afternoon together for all of us. We went to the park
opposite (as normal), Emily, Harry and Solly zooming off on their bikes
and Sam being pushed by Charlotte. Solly, she took such a quiet
delight in what a smart and sassy 2 year old you were, evident in the
twinkle in her eye and the smile on her face. Everyone played happily
together and we laughed when we noticed that Harry and Solly were both
climbing up stuff with their bike helmets still on, making us look like
the most neurotic jewish mothers ever!
There was one moment that is Sam’s – as we sat at the table either
before or after the park, and Charlotte was sitting with him on her lap
I had to turn away with tears in my eyes as I saw her look at you full
of love, and also sensed how much she wanted to be here to watch you
grow.
On the short walk back Charlotte let me push and coo over Sam whilst
the nutters raced off again on their bikes and we nattered about this
and that. On thinking back to that afternoon I am struck by how she
always said both of your names twice when she spoke to you “Sol-Sol or
Sol-Bol” and “Sam-Sam”. Everyone ate all their dinner, Sam obligingly
let Emily and Harry stroke him like a pussycat and Charlotte had a
sparkle about her as she was off for a precious first night away with
just Martin since Sam was born.
As had been the case since she had found out she was ill, despite
handling it all so well, we gave each other a huge hug and a big
smacker goodbye. I am glad that those last couple of months gave us all
the chance to show Charlotte just how much she was loved.
I think we both took a lot of pleasure in how the bonds of friendship
evolved between ourselves and our children – Charlotte had a picture of
Emily’s up in the hall, Solly sleeps in Em’s old bed. I will always
miss our afternoons with your mummy, but look forward to hanging out
together with Auntie Sophie on Fridays, and please know, as your mummy
did, that we are always here for you.
Lots of love,
Sara, Martin, Emily and Harryxxxx
Sara Otvos, 5 Oct 06
Darling Char,
I have written this short note in my head so many times but haven’t had a chance to put it down until now.
The bit that was missing from my tale on the website about our last afternoon hanging out together was me sharing with you that we were thinking of having another baby – and you laughing at me and telling me I was mad! And a year and a week after that conversation Louis was born and still every now and then I think I must ring you or pop in to see you and share with you how much pleasure Sam-Sam gave you as a baby.
As time has gone on I realise that there is a part of me that will always be sitting down having a natter with you at either of our kitchen tables, going for a walk and a chat in the park, or putting the world to rights at our ‘WI meetings’, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I am sure it is the same for all of your friends who loved you - that they miss you and yet still feel like you are not too far away. That they think of you often, in their happiest and saddest moments, and particularly when they spend time with your beautiful boys.
Yours is a star that burns very bright and still brings light to all of us.
Missing you now and always,
Saxxx