Sara Otvos, 26 July 05 

Dear Solly and Sam

It’s difficult to know where to begin with the many memories I have gained from the privilege of having known your mummy since we started university, through working life, getting married (we married Martins two weeks apart), and becoming mums.

I thought at her funeral that all of us standing there brought our own memories of a very special person who had touched all our lives in different ways, a patchwork of friendship and love - and it is wonderful now to be able to share our memories with you two and each other through this website.

I wish I could remember when I first met your mum but I can’t - with your closest friends they have somehow always just been around, become so much a part of your life that you don’t really stop to think about these things. I guess though we met at some sort of Jewish student gathering, through a shared need to speak up for what we believed in, even though neither of us was religious.

When I think of Charlotte during the university years in Leeds, she is always moving, talking loudly and smiling – dancing at nightclubs, yacking on the phone at the bottom of the stairs in the house we lived in with Debbie and Julia in our fourth year (my room was downstairs so she made a good alarm clock!), and constantly tidying up and looking after us. She was the organized one who sorted out the bills etc. and worried so much on our behalf that I still teased her about the night before my last exam when I was happily relaxing in the sun and she appeared next to me looking worried and suggesting I really should be inside doing some work!

She claimed to have forgotten but we all still remembered how dreadful we felt the day we forgot it was about to be her 21st birthday. Even her talking about what she had bought Sophie failed to prompt us and it was only when she said goodbye, smiled and said “well next time I see you I will be 21” did we finally realize that without her in charge we had managed to forget to wish her a happy birthday! As that story demonstrated, Charlotte was a very easy person to be mates with, she never seemed to take offence or sit in judgement on others, taking life as it came.

Quite a bit of the years in between then and more recently is a haze of catch-up chats and gatherings before, during and after her and your dad living in NY. So fast-forward to what are my most precious memories – how happy you two made her, and your ability to achieve the unthinkable – calming the worrier and giving her something amazing to channel her incredible energy into.  

She literally blossomed as your mummy, and despite her initial worries about not being a maternal sort of person was quite simply one of the best mummys I have seen. She combined a calm patience, great delight and humour in the two of you that was truly wonderful to watch and now when Emily and Harry are driving me crazy I try to take a deep breath and think “how would Charlotte have dealt with this?”

We didn’t make many actual arrangements but still saw quite a bit of each other - in the nicest possible way we tended to see each other when we couldn’t be bothered to do much and I was always glad to get that “you doing anything on Friday? No good let’s get together” phonecall.

Our last Friday together, two weeks before she died, was a perfect relaxed and happy afternoon together for all of us. We went to the park opposite (as normal), Emily, Harry and Solly zooming off on their bikes and Sam being pushed by Charlotte.  Solly, she took such a quiet delight in what a smart and sassy 2 year old you were, evident in the twinkle in her eye and the smile on her face. Everyone played happily together and we laughed when we noticed that Harry and Solly were both climbing up stuff with their bike helmets still on, making us look like the most neurotic jewish mothers ever!

There was one moment that is Sam’s – as we sat at the table either before or after the park, and Charlotte was sitting with him on her lap I had to turn away with tears in my eyes as I saw her look at you full of love, and also sensed how much she wanted to be here to watch you grow.

On the short walk back Charlotte let me push and coo over Sam whilst the nutters raced off again on their bikes and we nattered about this and that. On thinking back to that afternoon I am struck by how she always said both of your names twice when she spoke to you “Sol-Sol or Sol-Bol” and “Sam-Sam”. Everyone ate all their dinner, Sam obligingly let Emily and Harry stroke him like a pussycat and Charlotte had a sparkle about her as she was off for a precious first night away with just Martin since Sam was born.

As had been the case since she had found out she was ill, despite handling it all so well, we gave each other a huge hug and a big smacker goodbye. I am glad that those last couple of months gave us all the chance to show Charlotte just how much she was loved.

I think we both took a lot of pleasure in how the bonds of friendship evolved between ourselves and our children – Charlotte had a picture of Emily’s up in the hall, Solly sleeps in Em’s old bed. I will always miss our afternoons with your mummy, but look forward to hanging out together with Auntie Sophie on Fridays, and please know, as your mummy did, that we are always here for you.

Lots of love,

Sara, Martin, Emily and Harryxxxx

Sara Otvos, 5 Oct 06

Darling Char,

I have written this short note in my head so many times but haven’t had a chance to put it down until now.

The bit that was missing from my tale on the website about our last afternoon hanging out together was me sharing with you that we were thinking of having another baby – and you laughing at me and telling me I was mad! And a year and a week after that conversation Louis was born and still every now and then I think I must ring you or pop in to see you and share with you how much pleasure Sam-Sam gave you as a baby.

As time has gone on I realise that there is a part of me that will always be sitting down having a natter with you at either of our kitchen tables, going for a walk and a chat in the park, or putting the world to rights at our ‘WI meetings’, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I am sure it is the same for all of your friends who loved you - that they miss you and yet still feel like you are not too far away. That they think of you often, in their happiest and saddest moments, and particularly when they spend time with your beautiful boys.

Yours is a star that burns very bright and still brings light to all of us.

Missing you now and always,

Saxxx