Annicka Terry, 26th May 2005
Dear Solly & Sam
It’s one week since your mummy died. Yesterday was her funeral. I wanted to write down today what I know of your mum. It’ll only be my personal thoughts, but maybe one day you’ll like to read them. Time has a habit of fading memories so, much as I’m sure we’ll tell you stories in years to come of what we’ve been up to together, here’s how it is today.
Last week we went out for the day together. Char & I both had Fridays off work and I really enjoyed it when the five of us went out together – you two, Char, Eben & I. Your mum was always brilliant at coming up with interesting places to go. She was never content to do something local if we had time for a more adventurous trip. In the past, we’d been to art galleries, museums and parks. Last week she suggested a play ground in Hyde Park, built as a memorial to Diana.
It was a really warm sunny May day. She sat on a bench and fed Sam
while the rest of us explored the big pirate ship. When the feed was
over, I took Sam and your mum ran round with Sol. She was full of
energy & imagination– always had the time and the inclination to
put herself on your level, go with how you wanted to play, immerse
herself in your world. She climbed with Sol right to the top of the
pirate ship mast. I can see you both now, waving down at the three of
us on the ground. She encouraged you to try new things – master sliding
down a pole on the climbing frame, or jump from a big height. She was
good at giving you space, not smothering you, at letting you learn for
yourself.
Your mum was always thinking of others. She’d brought treats for Solly (crisps & apple juice) and in her true style had bought two of everything so Eben would not miss out. She was good at planning ahead and because of it was an excellent mum. I often made note of how she handled things with you guys because you learn so much every day at this stage of motherhood.
Since you’ve been around Sam, Charlotte grew in confidence as a mum and being a family of four made her blossom in a way I had not seen before. She was really enjoying herself. She coped admirably with the logistical demands of handling two small kids at one time. I can see her in the park, Sam across one arm, helping you Sol with the other hand, wee into the flowers at the edge of the playground. She saw the funny side of moments like this, was always practical and capable and laughed at things often when other people might have been frustrated.
On the way home, we passed a souvenir shop. Char wanted to treat Eben & Sol to a policeman’s hat each. Sol – you changed your mind when we came to pay because you saw a mini car that you wanted instead. Your mum was always conscious of not over-indulging you, spoiling you. We talked that day about how she wanted to make things special and give you treats, but make sure that balanced with the idea that you can’t always have what you want. She was very fair like that and wanted you both to grow up with that same sense of balance.
Two days later we went out on Sunday for James’ birthday. We went to a
model village – lots of families together to have a picnic and explore
the village and playground. That was the last time I saw your mum. The
day was perfect – the hottest day of the year so far. I remember her
plastering Sam with suntan lotion and laughing because she used far too
much. We just loved hanging out together. Your mum was one of those
people who could talk to anyone about anything. Who knows what we
chatted about – it was simply a day of being together, doing stuff for
you kids and enjoying each other. I have a photo of Charlotte from that
day. She’s beaming and warm. That was her essence. Look at that picture
and you’ll see who your mum was. Open, beautiful, natural and giving.
I wanted also to tell you about your mum’s funeral. It was a day that fittingly said goodbye. Held outside, in warm sunshine, attended by hundreds of family and friends. It wasn’t cold or severe as I thought it might be. It was an event that paid tribute to who your mum was and encouraged everyone to allow her memory to live on inside them. Your dad was truly inspiring. He was composed and dignified throughout. So much so, that during the service he motioned to James to look after Magda, your nanny, so she didn’t have to stand alone. Even at the height of his own emotional turmoil, he showed the composure and generosity to look out for others. Your mum would have done the same. Martin did your mum proud yesterday. He spoke at the service in a way that gave everyone strength. I saw everything in your dad that day that your mum must have recognised when she agreed to marry him.
I visited the grave today. It’s covered in flowers left by Sol’s school and other friends. Again, fittingly, the sun was shining and the place was peaceful and warm. Your mum would not have wanted us to be sad or troubled by all this. She’d want us to be happy for all the good things we enjoyed together. You will hear about all those times in due course. Don’t be tempted to think that what people say of your mum is tinged with sentiment or somehow embellished by the circumstances of her loss. She was a truly good person. No one can make that point strongly enough to you. Her only faults were caring too much, worrying just a little about others, and not putting herself first enough. She’s given you the best start in life she could. The bonds she made with family and friends pass on to you now. We will not forget her and we will not forget you.
With all my love and a promise of friendship for life.
Annicka
It’s one week since your mummy died. Yesterday was her funeral. I wanted to write down today what I know of your mum. It’ll only be my personal thoughts, but maybe one day you’ll like to read them. Time has a habit of fading memories so, much as I’m sure we’ll tell you stories in years to come of what we’ve been up to together, here’s how it is today.
Last week we went out for the day together. Char & I both had Fridays off work and I really enjoyed it when the five of us went out together – you two, Char, Eben & I. Your mum was always brilliant at coming up with interesting places to go. She was never content to do something local if we had time for a more adventurous trip. In the past, we’d been to art galleries, museums and parks. Last week she suggested a play ground in Hyde Park, built as a memorial to Diana.
It was a really warm sunny May day. She sat on a bench and fed Sam
while the rest of us explored the big pirate ship. When the feed was
over, I took Sam and your mum ran round with Sol. She was full of
energy & imagination– always had the time and the inclination to
put herself on your level, go with how you wanted to play, immerse
herself in your world. She climbed with Sol right to the top of the
pirate ship mast. I can see you both now, waving down at the three of
us on the ground. She encouraged you to try new things – master sliding
down a pole on the climbing frame, or jump from a big height. She was
good at giving you space, not smothering you, at letting you learn for
yourself. Your mum was always thinking of others. She’d brought treats for Solly (crisps & apple juice) and in her true style had bought two of everything so Eben would not miss out. She was good at planning ahead and because of it was an excellent mum. I often made note of how she handled things with you guys because you learn so much every day at this stage of motherhood.
Since you’ve been around Sam, Charlotte grew in confidence as a mum and being a family of four made her blossom in a way I had not seen before. She was really enjoying herself. She coped admirably with the logistical demands of handling two small kids at one time. I can see her in the park, Sam across one arm, helping you Sol with the other hand, wee into the flowers at the edge of the playground. She saw the funny side of moments like this, was always practical and capable and laughed at things often when other people might have been frustrated.
On the way home, we passed a souvenir shop. Char wanted to treat Eben & Sol to a policeman’s hat each. Sol – you changed your mind when we came to pay because you saw a mini car that you wanted instead. Your mum was always conscious of not over-indulging you, spoiling you. We talked that day about how she wanted to make things special and give you treats, but make sure that balanced with the idea that you can’t always have what you want. She was very fair like that and wanted you both to grow up with that same sense of balance.
Two days later we went out on Sunday for James’ birthday. We went to a
model village – lots of families together to have a picnic and explore
the village and playground. That was the last time I saw your mum. The
day was perfect – the hottest day of the year so far. I remember her
plastering Sam with suntan lotion and laughing because she used far too
much. We just loved hanging out together. Your mum was one of those
people who could talk to anyone about anything. Who knows what we
chatted about – it was simply a day of being together, doing stuff for
you kids and enjoying each other. I have a photo of Charlotte from that
day. She’s beaming and warm. That was her essence. Look at that picture
and you’ll see who your mum was. Open, beautiful, natural and giving. I wanted also to tell you about your mum’s funeral. It was a day that fittingly said goodbye. Held outside, in warm sunshine, attended by hundreds of family and friends. It wasn’t cold or severe as I thought it might be. It was an event that paid tribute to who your mum was and encouraged everyone to allow her memory to live on inside them. Your dad was truly inspiring. He was composed and dignified throughout. So much so, that during the service he motioned to James to look after Magda, your nanny, so she didn’t have to stand alone. Even at the height of his own emotional turmoil, he showed the composure and generosity to look out for others. Your mum would have done the same. Martin did your mum proud yesterday. He spoke at the service in a way that gave everyone strength. I saw everything in your dad that day that your mum must have recognised when she agreed to marry him.
I visited the grave today. It’s covered in flowers left by Sol’s school and other friends. Again, fittingly, the sun was shining and the place was peaceful and warm. Your mum would not have wanted us to be sad or troubled by all this. She’d want us to be happy for all the good things we enjoyed together. You will hear about all those times in due course. Don’t be tempted to think that what people say of your mum is tinged with sentiment or somehow embellished by the circumstances of her loss. She was a truly good person. No one can make that point strongly enough to you. Her only faults were caring too much, worrying just a little about others, and not putting herself first enough. She’s given you the best start in life she could. The bonds she made with family and friends pass on to you now. We will not forget her and we will not forget you.
With all my love and a promise of friendship for life.
Annicka